The other night Mr Grumble out of the blue told me that he wants to have kids, before we knew it, we were talking about future, wedding, marriage, family etc. I swear to god during that conversation I felt like my entire life flashes before my eyes. It sounds horrible doesn't it? I've never wanted to marry young, I've never understood why girls in their 20's always fuss about not having bf and stuff. Life was so much fun back then (oops did i give away my age muahahaha). Lots of friends, not enough time and there are always too many boys to worry about :p
It's not like I never wanted to get married, it's just the the whole idea sometimes scared the living day out of me. I mean marriage or kids.. (as quoted from Before Sunrise movie)"...it seems silly like it would ruin my whole life. And it's not just a fear of commitment or that I'm incapable of caring or loving because... I can. It's just that, if I'm totally honest with myself I think I'd rather die knowing that I was really good at something. That I had excelled in some way than that I'd just been in a nice, caring relationship."
If anyone ever asked me when will I be ready for marriage or kids, I would probably say "Never." I don't know why something most women dream and glorify, I am actually terrified of. I was always a bit weird when it comes to this. Perhaps I am a bit fucked up in the head, just like the current economy. Perhaps I am worried about what I am gonna miss out or sacrifice. or perhaps I am just selfish.Ok, I know it's a part of life. And I am just gonna take life the same way as I drive manual. PRAY, TAKE A DEEP BREATH, CLOSE MY EYES, and hopefully I get to the destination in one piece. :p
PS: I am kidding, I don't drive with my eyes closed, but I am sure you get my drift.
2 comments:
first of all, i must say, your kids look cute. the girl looks like you and the boy looks like mr. grumble :p and you look like a happy dysfunctional family :D
have you started naming the kids yet? ;)
seriously though, i never liked kids, and i think i'm still not good with kids in general, but I LOVE MY KIDS and now that i have them, i couldn't live without them.
look at that. look at you just a year ago, and look at you now. one baby step at a time. :D
now get cracking on the boy and the girl :D
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